


Mercy

by deans_samulet



Series: Sam's Support Brother [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: --implied, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Big Brother Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Depressed Sam Winchester, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Angst, Suicidal Sam Winchester, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Character Death, Worried Dean Winchester, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deans_samulet/pseuds/deans_samulet
Summary: TW: THIS FIC HAS A SUICIDE ATTEMPT, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/ACTIONS, AND DEPRESSION.Also this is my first work in the fandom! Thanks for reading! I might edit after this is complete and make this longer,
Relationships: Bobby Singer & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Series: Sam's Support Brother [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144199
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Bobby Singer has been around the Winchester boys since they could even remember. He saw them as his own children in every way except for blood. He made his way to a bedroom and stood by the door, ams crossing his chest.

Sam was sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. “Hey, Bobby.”

“Hey, Sam. I’m wondering if you’d want to go to the diner with me to get dinner.”

The younger man shook his head, “No, thanks. I’m on a call from Dean.”

“Okay,” the older man walked up to him and ruffled his hair. “I’ll be back. If anything happens, call me or Dean. Okay?”

Sam nodded and faced him. “Yeah, I will.” 

Bobby made a mental note as he left for the diner. _Something seems off..._

___

Bobby was sitting at the counter when he felt a series of vibrations in his pocket. Pulling it out, he saw Dean’s name and answered it. “Hello?”

“Hey, Bobby, glad you answered.” Dean said through the other line. 

“Hey, kiddo, how’s it hanging over there?”

“It’s alright, I just finished the case so I’ll be home soon. How’s Sammy?”

The older man sighed, “I’m not sure. Something’s off, bud. He won’t eat, he hasn’t slept, and he refused to read.”

He could hear Dean’s breath hitch at the statement, “I’ll be back there and check up on him.”

And he didn’t miss Dean choking up. 

“Dean, I’m sure he’s fine. He’s at home, safe. I’ll be there in twenty-to-thirty minutes.” 

“Alright.”

With that, Bobby hung up the phone and started tapping his fingers against the table impatiently. The time he had to wait for the food felt like an eternity until he was given a brown bag. He nodded his head in thanks and paid the waiter before walking back to his car. A hinge of a bad gut-feeling, he started the car and began driving to the house. He was probably going over the speed limit, but that never stopped Bobby from getting anywhere. 

**Half an hour later**

When the older man walked into his house, he noticed that everything in the house was clean. Not a single gram of dust was seen. “Sam?” He called before looking in nearly every room in the house for the younger man. 

Bobby approached the bathroom and knocked on the door, “Sam?” No answer. He banged on the door, “SAM!” The older man kept the rising panic at bay when he kicked the door down three times before it broke open, and what he saw was something he wished he never had the ability to see. 

Sam was unconscious on the floor and his lips were white. 

Bobby didn’t hesitate as he rolled the younger man on his back and pressed two fingers on Sam’s pulse points. He sighed with relief when he felt a faint thump on Sam’s neck. He lifted Sam over his shoulder and rushed him to the car, instantly taking him to the hospital which was a twenty minute ride--with following traffic laws. 

The second he pulled into the parking lot, he grabbed Sam from the passenger side and ran into the hospital. After the doctor and nurses took Sam into the ICU, Bobby sat in the waiting room. He dreaded calling Dean, but he knew he had to. He dialed Dean’s number and took a deep breath. 

“Bobby, what’s up?” Dean said, cheerfully. 

“Dean.” His voice broke. 

“Bobby? What’s going on?”

Bobby tried to keep his tears at bay, but his voice didn’t get the memo. “It’s Sam, Dean. Something happened…” 


	2. A letter for Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean arrives and shit goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have Dean refer to Castiel as Cas because it's cute

Dean swallowed bile when he heard Bobby’s voice. He knew that whatever happened wasn’t good. 

“Bobby, where is he? Let me talk to my brother.” 

“He’s in the ICU at the hospital.” 

Dean’s breath started hitching, “Is he--is he gonna…” He couldn’t finish the question before he choked a sob. 

“I don't know, they won’t tell me anything.”

Dean felt his foot press on the gas even more. He was going to get to his little brother, and nothing--not even traffic laws--will stop him. “Cas, if you’re listening, I need you man,” he prayed brokenly. “Don’t let Sammy die...please.” 

He was never one to be emotional, but his little brother was his weak spot. His vision was blurred by tears. “Come on, Sam..don’t leave me.” Wiping his eyes, he took a few deep breaths to compose himself. 

When he swerved in the parking lot of the hospital, he didn’t waste any time to storm in and look for Bobby. Dean felt his heart crumbling at his feet as he met with Bobby in the waiting room. He felt the older man’s hand on his shoulder. 

“He took a shit ton of pain pills and lost a bit of blood,” Bobby said tearfully and wiped his face. “He flatlined twice. There’s a note for you. You should read it.” He handed Dean a folded piece of paper and excused himself to the bathroom.

Dean unfolded the paper and started reading as he fell into the chair. 

_Dean,_

_I know you’re going to be pissed, but I’m sorry for how this will go. I mess up more than I should, and the ratio of me fixing things and messing them up isn’t one that I’m proud of. I know you’re tired and stressed over looking out for me; that’s my fault. I don’t see any positive reasoning as to why I’m alive. Promise me that you’ll let me stay dead. Promise that you’ll take care of yourself and Bobby. Don’t worry about me anymore._

_You’ve been the best mother, father, and brother anyone could ask for which made regret even doing this, but this for the goodness of everyone else. I’m a leech, Dean. That’s all I am nowadays._

_I’m sorry for giving up. I have lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. All I see is darkness. Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t know anything about this._  
_I love you, big brother._

Dean wiped his eyes after reading it and went outside to the hospital’s park bench. Covering his face in his hands, he finally let that sob rip from his throat. He felt his chest tighten at the thought of the possibility of living without Sam. He knew he couldn’t..deep down, it was impossible. 

“I have heard your call.” Cas stated, sitting next to him. 

“That’s great to know,” he turned to the angel. “What can you do?”

“Not much, but I will try to save your brother.”

Dean saw Bobby rush out the doors from the corner of his eye and immediately stood up. “Bobby, what’s going on?”

“Follow me, right now.” Bobby was near dragging Dean from the bench to the ICU window with Cas behind them. 

As they arrived at the window, Dean saw something he didn’t want to ever see. His baby brother was flatlining right in front of him. The last things he remembered was he was trying to break into the room and banging his fists against the window screaming in agony, calling for his little brother. 

* * *

Dean opened his eyes and noticed a familiar white room. He looked down at his hands as velcro restraints were wrapped around them. 

“The doctor had to sedate you.” Cas said from the side of the bed. 

He turned to Cas, “Is he…?”

Cas sighed, “He’s going to be fine. I helped with Sam after they…” He trailed off and looked away. 

Dean tilted his head, “They what?”

“No one could revive him, Dean, but he’s going to be fine. They’re sending him home when he wakes up.”

With the information mentally noted, Dean broke the restraints and stood up. “I’m going in there.” He made a straight course to Sam’s room and found Bobby holding Sam’s hand. Slowly walking inside the room, the older man looked at him and smiled faintly.   
“You okay?” The older man asked. 

“I will be once he wakes up.”

Bobby nodded and stood, “I’m going to get some coffee. Do you want anything?”

Dean shook his head, “No thanks, I’m fine,” he waited until Bobby was out of the room before running his fingers through Sam’s hair. He let a few tears fall before taking a much needed breath. “Sammy, it’s me. I’m here, now, nothing will happen to you…” he held onto his brother’s hand tightly. “I’m not angry with you, I promise. Just come back to me, please. I’ll make everything okay, I promise.” He leaned to press a kiss to Sam’s forehead. 

“I will carry you, little brother. No matter how far or steep, I got you.” 


	3. never easy

As Dean began to come back from unconsciousness, he could tell from the walls that he was in a hospital room. When he was more alert, he turned to see Bobby staring at his feet. 

“How’re you feeling, bud?” Bobby asked. 

He shrugged, “Where is he?” His voice started to shake with tears. “Where’s my brother?”

The older man reached over and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry, I don’t know. Cas took him after he was declared dead.”

Dean felt the color drain from his face and his heart drop and ache. “He’s--He...no…”

“I should’ve stayed with him--”

“You should’ve!” The younger hunter shouted. “And I should’ve! I should’ve never fucking left!” He stood from the bed and paced around the room. His breath was hitching and his whole body was shaking. 

“Dean. let’s go home, we can figure everything out like we always do.”

“My home is gone.” Dean looked at Bobby with tears streaming down his face.

“Sam would want--”

“Well, he’s dead.”

Bobby looked down and pulled him into a tight hug. “I’ll meet you home, okay?”

“Sure.” 

There was no point in staying there now that Sam was gone.

* * *

**A week later**

Home didn’t feel the same that he had lost his brother. He was walking through the hallway when he saw the blood stain on the bathroom floor and the empty pill bottle; he walked in and sat on the floor against the tub. Picking up the empty bottle, he heard something hit the floor and picked it up. It was the blade that Sam used. He would cry if he could, but he had no tears left to cry. “Fuck…” 

“He doesn’t want to be brought back, Dean.” Bobby said and walked in slowly. 

“Why would he leave us? Leave me?” He whispered.

The older man couldn’t answer as he bowed his head and shook it. “I think he was fighting something that even we didn’t know about.”

Dean stood and went to the kitchen and grabbed a can of beer. He downed it in one gulp and felt the can crush from his hand. His vision blacked out for a split second before it came back. It was probably from the lack of food and sleep. 

“You’re killing yourself doing this.” Bobby said from behind. 

“So?”

“I know you’re angry and hurting--”

“Sammy killed himself because of me!” Dean shouted. 

“No, no he didn’t.”

“I was supposed to look after him, that was my job and I fucked up.”

“He died knowing that his brother loved him,” Bobby grabbed the crushed can that was cutting into Dean’s palm. “You need to eat and sleep, not drink yourself dead.” 

The younger man scoffed, “I’m fine.”

“I beg to differ,” a voice said from the front door, making both Bobby and Dean jump. Castiel. “I apologize for startling you, but I have a gift for you Dean.” 

“I don’t want it.”

“You’ll change your mind.” The angel made a hand gesture towards the door. 

The two hunters tilted their heads in pure confusion before hearing footsteps head their way, and Dean recongized the sound as he ran towards the source of the sound. 

Sammy. 


	4. A needed conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Dean reveals that he had plans of suicide.

“Hey, Dean.” Sam said, his voice was hoarse. 

Dean instantly pulled his brother into a tight hug, rocking him back and forth. “God, Sammy,” his voice cracked from crying and screaming for a week straight. “You can’t do that to me again.” He pressed a kiss against his brother’s temple and pulled away, taking a look at him. 

Sam looked down. “Dean--”

“Get in the car, we’re going to our special place to talk,” the older brother said. He turned to Cas and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you...so much.”

“Anytime.” The angel said as Dean pulled away. 

When he released Cas from the hug, he led Sam to the Impala and started the drive to have a much needed conversation. 

Sam looked at Dean and noticed how frail his brother looked. “Dean, I’m sorry.”

Dean was focusing on the road, “You were gone for a week, Sam. Tonight would’ve ended differently if you hadn’t come back.”

“What do you mean?” The younger brother asked, looking down.

“I do own a gun, you know.”

When Sam put the pieces together, he turned back to him. “Are you kidding me? What about Bobby--”

“What about me?” Dean replied with a question. “You killed yourself because you think that you do nothing but place me under constant stress and exhaustion when that’s much farther from the truth. I need you more than you can begin to understand. There’s no me if there’s no you.” He let a few stray tears fall. 

“Dean, I completely hate myself. I’m a danger to everyone.”

“Actually, I am. Espeically if they go for the people I love. I’d kill for you.”

“I know. I just wanted to give you a chance to relax and be free.” 

Dean suddenly parked the car on the side of the road and started punching the steering wheel. “What relaxes me is knowing that you’re alive and safe! Okay? I raised you, I made sure you were taken care of! And I did and do that because you’re my brother, and I fucking love you!” He wiped his face and leaned against the seat, looking at his little brother. “If I was there when you,” he paused. “I don’t know what I’d do.” 

Sam managed to take a close look at Dean. “Tell me what I need to do.” 

“Stay. That’s it. Please, I--” Dean stuttered and looked down. 

The younger brother looked down. “Okay...for you.” 


	5. A lullaby for Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this: https://youtu.be/1XA9oMiSHGI
> 
> \--I do not own the music. All rights go to the owners.--

It’s been hours since Sam returned as Castiel had already left for the night. Now it was Bobby, Sam, and Dean were sitting around the table for the first time in a week. Dean took the liberty to replace Sam’s beer with a glass of water and made his brother’s plate which contained more food than everyone else. 

Sam knew that Dean would be extra cautious from now on, but he knew that his brother would do anything for him. It took him to start eating to get Dean to stop staring. 

“Dean, he’s okay,” Bobby said gently, knowing how Dean was with the younger hunter. “He’s alright.” 

Dean nodded and ate slowly. 

“Sammy, want some cookies?” The oldest hunter asked. 

“I’m okay, why is everyone acting weird?” 

Dean landed a playful punch to Sam’s shoulder. “We’re just pulling your leg is all.” 

The younger brother nodded and started drifting to sleep. 

“I’m gonna get Sammy to bed. He looks like he’s about to fall over.” Dean stood and helped Sam to his bed. He made sure to walk slow and hold his baby brother gently until he laid Sam on the bed, 

“Dean? Can you stay?” 

Dean smiled, “Scoot over. He waited until Sam scooted over to lay next to him. He felt Sam lay on his shoulder, and his hand instantly started rubbing his brother’s head. 

Sam relaxed to Dean rubbing his head like he’d always done like it was safe--because it was safe. Dean was the lighthouse on the hill. It was quiet, peaceful. “Can you sing? Please?”

His older brother chuckled and held his brother closer. “No.”

“Please.” 

Dean silently gave into Sam’s puppy eyes. “Okay, get comfy.” He smiled as Sam nested his head to the nape of Dean’s neck. He took a deep breath and started to sing softly. 

_“And when you call and need me near_  
 _Sayin' where'd you go?_  
 _Brother, I'm right here_  
 _And on those days when the sky begins to fall_  
 _You're the blood of my blood_  
 _We can get through it all,”_ he paused to see Sam sleeping but continued to sing.

_“Brother, let me be your shelter_   
_Never leave you all alone_   
_I can be the one you call_   
_When you’re feelin' low_   
_Brother, let me be your fortress_   
_When the night winds are driving on_   
_Be the one to light the way_   
_Bring you home.”_

Dean looked down and saw Sam asleep comfortably. He smiled and slept well for the first time in what seemed like forever. 


	6. Brotherly love

Morning came as Bobby had made two mugs of coffee and placed them on the table. He heard the lullaby Dean gave Sam, but he knew not to mention it. He was proud of the men his two boys became. 

Dean walked into the kitchen and smiled at the mug of coffee. “You know me, Bobby.” He sat down and instantly sipped the coffee.

“Obviously. Sam’s asleep?”

“Yeah,” the younger hunter stretched his muscles. “He’s out.”

“You got him to sleep easily.” 

He nodded, “Yeah.”

Bobby looked at him. “I’m glad he came back. You need each other more than I can understand. I found a note in your stuff while you were driving Sam around.” It was one sentence:  _ I’m coming, Sammy.  _

Dean went pale. “I’m sorry.” 

The older man sighed, “Don’t let grief overtake you.”

“I went to Hell for him, and I’d do anything to keep him safe. Sammy keeps my world rotating.” Dean looked around. 

“I know.”

* * *

Sam was listening from the other room as he looked down in guilt.  _ My fault. My fault everyone’s in pain. I need to make it right. I have no choice.  _ He didn’t realize he was crying until he felt his face wet with tears. Shaking his head, he made a course straight outside and sat in a rocking chair on the porch. 

He didn’t hear the door creak--he was lost in his train of thoughts...negative thoughts. 

“Hey, little brother,” Dean greeted before sitting next to him.”What’s going on in that big brain of yours?”

“I’m fine.”

He didn’t look past the eyebrow raise that Dean did. “Sammy…”

“Okay,” Sam began, sighing. “I heard everything..” 

“Sam, I was grieving--”

“I hate the fact that I always cause someone pain. No matter what I do, I always do something wrong.”

“That’s not true. Sammy, we all make mistakes. You did more than enough to fix everything, and if they can’t see that then screw them.”

He smiled shyly, “Yeah?”

Dean rubbed the side of Sam’s head. “I know you’re fighting a lot of shit, but please understand that I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying with you even if I gotta drag you out of Hell.” 

The younger brother nodded, still smiling. 

“I love you, you brat.” 

“I know.” 


	7. A week later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little heart-to-heart with Sam and Dean.

“Listen, uh, it’s been a week and I was wondering if I could start hunting again?” Sam asked. He noticed Dean tense. 

“Sam, I don’t know if you’re well eno--” 

“I am, Dean.”

Dean leaned his head back against the couch. “As much as I would love to see you beat some ass, I’d rather be sure that you’re safe to.”

“But--”   


“You killed yourself, Sammy,” the older brother said. “Do you think for a second that I’m just gonna let you act like it didn’t happen?”

“I know you can’t, but I want things to go back to normal. I want to look at you and not see guilt written all over your face,” Sam sat next to him and looked down before looking back up at his older brother. “I’m okay.”

“Physically, yes but you know." 

The younger brother nodded in understanding. “Yeah.” 

“It’s my job to look after you.” 

“It shouldn’t be.” 

Dean let out a smirk, “It’s fun sometimes. I can keep the bad girls away from you, beat someone’s ass if they try to pull something. But the thing I love most about it is how it shows how much you need your big brother--I like the feeling of being needed.”

Sam looked at his older brother. “Okay, I’ll lay low for another week. Deal?"

“Deal.” 

The little brother felt a thumb rub his forehead and a hand caressing his hair. He relaxed to it. “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“You still got it.” 


End file.
